My ex-wife is a severe malignant narcissist. We’ve been apart for more than four years, and divorced for one (your math is correct; the divorce took three years, and for no reason at all other than her high-conflict nature.) After all this time, most divorced people would have moved on and would have peace in their lives. Sadly, that will never be the case for her.

While some contact with my ex is necessary because we have kids, I’ve gone as close to no-contact as possible. I’ve worked hard to establish and enforce boundaries and build my own healthy life.

As I’ve shut her out in more and more ways, she has lost nearly all of the control she once had over me. It’s driving her crazy, which is fine, but she’s using our boys as tools to get at me, which is very, very bad.

The latest in my ex’s long track record of this abusive behavior was pure cruelty. But, bad as it was, it also just might be a watershed event in our family’s history in terms of waking me up to the fact that I need to change my tactics. But first, a brief side story…

An Unexpected Epiphany

We know a family whose two kids recently went through their parents’ divorce and now spend most of their time with an alcoholic mother. She has a long