We offer hope, guidance, and community to people struggling in toxic relationships so you can find the strength you need to get your sanity back.

Chris was married to a severe malignant narcissist for a decade and still shares custody of his two children with her. Having learned to establish and enforce firm boundaries, he is focused on giving his kids the best chance at healthy lives despite the influence of one toxic parent.
Lisa was with her ex-husband for nearly half her life, and never imagined leaving, let alone the war that would ensue. After a lengthy, expensive divorce, she has now represented herself at over 50 court appearances and become a certified domestic violence advocate. She has grown strong and found true happiness in the wake of a nightmare.

We know exactly how you feel because we have spent many years in the trenches ourselves. We bring a unique perspective to helping others in the same circumstances. You simply won’t find anyone else better able to support you, with our combination of:

  • Empathy from having been through it ourselves
  • Both male and female points of view
  • Practical first-hand knowledge and experience
  • State-certified domestic violence advocate
  • Professional background in education
  • Thousands of hours of research
  • A host of resources and connections
  • A supportive community of people who have also been in toxic relationships

Other programs out there are offered by attorneys, authors, or therapists – people who are educated, but haven’t lived it. Those that are run by people with first-hand experience tend to focus on one segment of the issue: healing.

We’ve found that this is far from enough. How can a person truly heal if they never fully understood the issues, never realized what got them into such a situation in the first place, or, worst of all, if they’re still stuck in the toxic relationship?

Our program meets you where you’re at. We’ll help you get through the worst of it, not just pick up the pieces after you’ve done the hardest work in isolation.

“A complete 180 from my marriage. I am living a life I always thought would never happen!”

“I simply just wanted to thank you for just being there for me. I cannot express how much finding your website has meant to me.”
“Every $@*#! post on here is totally relatable to everything I’m experiencing right now.
But, as the saying goes, ‘been there, got out.’ Thank God!”
“I am working on me thank you so much ❤️ thank you!”
“Chris and Lisa, THANK YOU!
I didn’t know until yesterday I was in a toxic relationship. I took your quiz and lo and behold the proof is in the pudding!”
“I look forward to the weeks to come and to learn more.
I hope this helps me to get my head around why I can’t seem to break the cycle permanently.”
“I am out of my hell and slowly getting my soul back.”
“I cannot tell you how your words and this website have been a lifeline, and I feel much stronger moving forward standing in my truth.”

“I can feel that God is working through you to help others, bless you for all the help you give people.”
“…boy did I get my eyes opened!”
“I really appreciate what you two are doing during this time.”
“…it just feels like everyone is moving on being happy and I am stuck, so a support group is what I have been looking for…”
“…and the rebuilding your life begins!”
“Well, you have helped me in great way. Everything you explained is exactly how I have been feeling!”
“Have a great new year and thank you for such a really inspiring and motivating page!”
“You have really helped me this year ❤️!!”
“I feel blessed that my internet search spree to validate I am not crazy led me to your quiz.”
“So I simply just wanted to thank you for just being there for me. I cannot express how much finding your website has meant to me!”
“Also, I appreciate both the male and female aspect of being on the flip side of abuse…”
“Omgosh I am so happy to have found you both. Am not alone. I’ve said this before but thank you!”
“Thank you… It’s been a roller coaster but hoping I’ll get it together and be able to say it’s all in the past, smile, and get ‘me’ back.
You guys are truly amazing!”
Thanks so much for your support. The work you do is so important!
“What kept me strong was keep telling myself that ‘ignorance is bliss,’ but this article basically gave me the closure I needed.”
“This message came at the most appropriate time in my life!
Thank you for doing what you do. It is so important to so many, many women, men, children, and parents of abuse that is so prevalent.”
Get “Un-Stuck”
Our Journey

The Nightmare

We were both in the same position you’re in now. Our marriages were spiraling out of control. We felt like, “I just can’t deal with this and I want it to be over!”

We felt totally alone and completely stuck.

We had no idea where to turn. We had no idea that the problems we faced are actually pretty common. The root cause has a name, and when you learn about toxic personalities, that explains everything.

The Injustice System

Chris’ divorce took THREE YEARS and cost more than $300,000 for no reason other than his ex-wife is severely toxic, and she extended the legal conflict to exert power and control.

Lisa’s divorce didn’t take that long, but it did cost TEN TIMES the $10,000 she thought it would cost, again only because her ex-husband’s behavior in court made it as difficult as possible. And, she has now been back in court, just to enforce the terms of their agreement, for more than FIFTY appearances. She’s only now, six years later, nearing a resolution.

What Went Wrong… and Right… for us

The only reason for all of this WASTED TIME, MONEY, AND EMOTIONAL ENERGY was that we didn’t realize what was driving our toxic partners’ behavior until later… we didn’t LEARN FAST ENOUGH.

But we did make it out in one piece.

Even better, in the wake of our own toxic relationships, we somehow found healthy love together and supported each other throughout all the chaos. We’re a true emotional “rags to riches” story and we have never been happier.

An Epiphany

At one point, Chris said to Lisa that, if he could go back in time to, say, six months before his marriage imploded to coach himself on all he’d learned, he could have easily saved himself 18 months in the legal system and $150,000 in legal fees. He could have gotten more favorable settlement terms. And, maybe most importantly, he could have avoided a ton of mental anguish, fear, and uncertainty.

Our New Mission

We didn’t know it at the time, but this conversation was the genesis of Been There Got Out.

We have seen a lot of people through some awful situations. Helping others struggling in toxic relationships is deeply gratifying, and helps us to continue to heal from what we went through ourselves. It’s a true labor of love for us!

You Can Do Better

You Don’t Have to Make the Mistakes We Made

Yes, we survived, and we’re thriving today. But we had no clue what was really happening… for years, and we could have avoided numerous mistakes if we only knew then what we know now.

The problem was that we had to learn on the fly, and we didn’t always learn fast enough.

And it’s not just us. It takes an average of seven attempts for someone to successfully get out of an abusive relationship.

We know people who have lost their pensions, custody of their children, security deposits on apartments, and years of their lives… people who have paid unnecessarily high prices because they just didn’t understand how to protect themselves from early on in the process, when many critical mistakes are made.

But you have something we didn’t have: access to knowledgeable, experienced grizzled veterans of all this craziness. You have us.

How We Can Help

We can help you through it faster, cheaper, better, and with less fear and less pain.

We know what it takes, not only because we’ve been through it ourselves, but because we’ve connected with thousands of people in the same situation. The stories are remarkably similar! This is a problem that’s at the same time widespread and greatly misunderstood. You are not alone!

People We’ve Helped
Quizzes Taken
Blog Subscribers
Survey Responses
An Approach Built on Experience & Research

We’ve identified 3 key success factors from interacting with thousands of people in toxic relationships… and we’re building our program around them.

Our Program

Our online course is a comprehensive program that covers everything you need, every step of the way. It includes practical, interactive education, regular group and one-on-one calls, and a supportive community of people going through the same thing you’re going through. The program is available via a monthly membership model, so you will only pay for the help you need.

Membership is by invitation only, and registration is not always open*. Why not? Because we want success stories! And for you to be successful, we need to limit the size of each group to a manageable number.

If you think you can be one of our success stories, and you’d like to be invited to join the next time we open registration, please fill out the form below to get on the waiting list. There’s no obligation, and you’ll get the first shot to sign up the next time we open our course.

* If your situation requires special attention, we offer a premium “TLC” membership level that is open at all times. Please contact us to learn more.

Will it be Easy? No.

Worth it? Absolutely.