The Universe Gave Us an Unexpected Shove
Chris’ background is in technology sales and entrepreneurship. Lisa was a high school English teacher and built an online fashion business. Neither of us saw this mid-life career change coming when we met and started dating in 2015.
As both of our divorces dragged on and we bled money in the legal system, we had an unexpected epiphany: the root cause of all the conflict and chaos, first in our marriages and later in the divorce process, was that our former partners behaved in ways entirely consistent with narcissistic personality disorder.
Together, we took a self-directed crash course in everything related to personality disorders, high-conflict divorce and custody battles, and co-parenting with toxic exes. We managed to navigate our own cases and got out intact, but, boy had we made some avoidable mistakes along the way.
One day, in Lisa’s kitchen, Chris said, “You know, if I could go back in time with all we’ve learned, I’ll bet I could have saved at least half of the three years, half of the $300,000, and who-knows-how-much of the emotional energy and fear my divorce ended up costing.” From there, the conversation turned to how many others must be dealing with the same problems and the same unnecessary suffering.
And, just like that, Been There Got Out was born.
We initially imagined writing a book, not pursuing a whole new career together. But, as we developed the book, which we’d ultimately publish in 2023, we kept running into people who needed practical, actionable advice on how to deal with their own cases, and we began (coaching).
We’ve never looked back.
Chris, who was still dealing with complex PTSD and a hostile co-parenting relationship with a return to family court a constant threat, was concerned that doing this kind of work might be retraumatizing. Happily, that was not the case… at all. We both found that work with our clients helped us heal ourselves, much as a recovering addict in a 12-step program benefits tremendously from helping others facing the same challenges.
To our delight, we discovered that those targeted by abusers tend to be the most kind, loyal, creative – fill in whatever wonderful traits you have. That’s why your own personal terrorist selected you. Our people are a joy to work with. We affectionately call you our “sweetie pies.” Whatever makes you a sweetie pie, please don’t lose those things. The world needs you!
Our Values
Education
Education is empowering. When you are thrust into the unfamiliar and crazy world of family court and have to make decisions that will have an impact on you and your kids for years to come, all while your ex throws flaming cars in your path, you can’t take a backseat and let others decide your life. Chris paid lawyers a quarter of a million dollars, and not one of them taught him the things we teach our clients every day.
Understanding how the system works and knowing your rights are only the first steps. You have a lot to deal with, and we don’t waste a minute lamenting the broken family court system or the challenges of co-parenting with a monster. We focus on what you can DO to protect yourself and your children through concrete action, in and out of court.
Actionable Advice
Inclusivity
Intimate partner abuse is not a gender problem. It’s not a socio-economic problem, a geographical problem, or any other demographic problem. It’s a global, human problem that can afflict anyone. We work with moms and dads who are targets of abuse, wherever you are in the world.
We work in a high-stakes, deeply emotional field, where outcomes have a profound impact on the lives of loving parents and their children. We are not here to be popular. We are laser-focused on our clients’ success. We embrace controversial topics like parental alienation (some claim it doesn’t exist; our clients and countless attorneys show us daily that it does). We care about helping you, not avoiding the wrath of trolls whose agendas lead them to give harmful advice.
Leadership
Holistic Approach
We understand that these situations are not just about “winning” in court; they affect everything in the family – from mental health, to finances, to the well-being of children. You and your kids have a whole new chapter to write, and it takes a team to make sure it’s a great one. We help you build and lead your team by filling in the gaps between what lawyers aren’t trained to do and what therapists don’t understand.
If your ex is like the people we deal with every day, you’re unfortunately in for a marathon. Most people don’t fail; they run out of energy before getting to the finish line. We know firsthand how overwhelming these situations are (that’s the “Been There” part of BTGO). We approach every case with genuine empathy, recognizing your trauma and fear and treating your story with respect and sensitivity. We will always meet you with compassion, not judgment, because having the right support is everything.
Empathy
Our "Why?"
We deliver practical, actionable advice to give you the best chance for success in court and beyond.
But what does that mean to you?
Think about your goals in life, and specifically as a parent. Ideally, we’d suggest that “success in court and beyond” means getting through the legal system and overcoming the malicious actions of your toxic ex in a way that still allows you to achieve these goals.
That’s why we do what we do.
Lisa
Lisa Johnson is the co-founder (and female half) of BTGO, a high-conflict divorce strategist, and certified domestic violence advocate who successfully represented herself through scores of court appearances. Her case, published in the Connecticut Law Journal, is being used as legal precedent. Her live testimony helped pass Jennifers’ Law in Connecticut, at the time the third state in America to expand its legal definition of domestic violence to include “coercive control.” Lisa’s background as a former high school English teacher makes our educational programs go.
Chris
Chris Barry is a certified high-conflict divorce coach, strategist, and the co-founder (and male half) of BTGO. He developed our podcast, manages BTGO’s website, YouTube channel, Facebook page, and all the background technology we use to run the business. His professional background as a financial planner brings an understanding of these issues to our practice. Inspired by Lisa, he has also represented himself successfully in family court. He specializes in writing parenting plans specifically tailored to high-conflict co-parenting situations.
Chris is a graduate of Lehigh University (BA) and Seton Hall University (MBA). He’s an avid golfer, and his many interests are led by an unhealthy devotion to the Miami Dolphins.
Rizzo
Rizzo is the world’s most beloved legal abuse support dog (as well as the only one). She loves everyone – dogs, cats, people, everyone… except our pet snake. She is often the answer to questions involving the origin of spills, “misplaced” food, or shredded egg cartons.
Do you and your ex both go to your child`s medical appointments? How do you handle conflict in this situation? 📋
It can be maddening to deal with a high conflict ex, and more so post-separation…and PROPER documentation is crucial, which means that communicating with your ex must be strategic. And because your written communication threads are going to be Exhibit A when you’re back in family court!
➡️ Comment TELEPHONE 📞 and will send you the link to our free webinar on how to communicate with your ex without destroying your case or losing your mind. 📱
#documentation #strategiccommunication #fromfeartofierceinfamilycourt
#doctorvisits #parallelparenting
Anything surprising about these numbers?
Need support with keeping the conflict as LOW as possible and therefore keeping yourself and your kids SAFE? Let us teach you how to HELP YOURSELF! 💜
If you are struggling in a high-conflict relationship, divorce, custody battle, or co-parenting hell which requires PERSONALIZED attention, let us HOLD YOUR HAND with our EXPERT, STRATEGIC guidance based on years of success.
➡️ Comment ALIGN to schedule a free discovery call (Zoom) and check out our weekly Legal Abuse Support Group. 💪
#safetyfirst #domesticviolenceawareness
Does your ex deflect - as well as involve your kid in stuff they shouldn’t be involved in?
Parental alienation, PCCP (parent child contact problems), resist / refuse dynamics - or whatever politically correct way you want to say it- is baked into our specialty, legal abuse - whether it`s your ex doing it or you`re being falsely accused of turning your kids against the other parent - and it ALMOST ALWAYS involves blame-shifting.. 🤔
Because once you`re out of a toxic relationship, your ex is limited in ways to hurt you, and one of the most common is to try to turn your kids against you. This is the topic of our current book, “When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You” and upcoming course, “The Alienation Master Class: How to Protect Your Relationship with Your Children In and Out of Court.” 💪💔
Our latest in the series of upcoming free webinars will be with our friend, UK alienation coach, Charlie McCready on “When Therapy is Weaponized” and will be on August 30 at 4 PM ET.
➡️ Comment DEFLECT for the registration link!
#rejectedparent #parentingplan #coercivecontrol #abusebyproxy #parentalalienation
Thanks @ruthie_rue78 - we feel ya. 💜
How can you save time, energy, and MONEY in this awful process - especially during negotiation? It starts with learning how to take strategic oversight of your own case, and to stop being a vulnerable target. 🎯
We’ve been so busy announcing our second, but there’s LOADS in our first book about how to deal with a high-conflict ex in family court!
➡️ Comment SANITY for a link to our first book, subtitled, “Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances. 📚
#howtostaysane #legalabuse #prosesuccess #divorcestrategist
➡️ Comment SANITY for a link to our first book so you could read the rest of the questions, as well as red flags of a prospective attorney, and what to expect from the first consultation as well as your entire relationship. 📋
#howtostaysaneunderinsanecircumstances #divorcelawyerconsult #advanceorientation
How many times does your motion get put off? It can feel like the most frustrating thing EVER, but delays often worked in my favor, especially when I least expected it…😉
We often say that legal/litigation abuse is fortunately and unfortunately our specialty. Ten years and dozens of court appearances gave me the best education possible - in the trenches.
This whole experience has been frustrating and maddening and certainly unfair along the way, but it has also been filled with many triumphs, and a lot of progress.
Something I never dreamed of also happened - my case was notable enough to be published in the CT Law Journal, making it legal precedent (case law) - a HUGE and rare honor for a pro se (self-represented litigant).
Chris has also (and more recently) successfully represented himself in family court, and won on multiple levels, using the very techniques we teach to our clients! 😁
THIS is how we start to change the system - by turning the injustice we have experienced into powerful, effective arguments which get judges` attention and compel them to take action.
Need support with stuff like this? Let us teach you how to HELP YOURSELF! 💜
If you are struggling in a high-conflict relationship, divorce, custody battle, or co-parenting hell which requires PERSONALIZED attention, let us HOLD YOUR HAND with our EXPERT, STRATEGIC guidance based on years of success.
➡️ Comment ALIGN to schedule a free discovery call (Zoom) and check out our weekly Legal Abuse Support Group. 💪
#legalabuse #prosesuccess
"Stop the Pretending! When Parents Gaslight Their Own Children" - live interview with Pinkal Panchal
Today`s Instagram live welcomed therapist, Pinkal Panchal @pinkalpanchal who talked about why couples therapy not only doesn`t work, but is not even legal for domestic violence cases in California, misconceptions about what kids perceive when it comes to conflict, and what we can do to make sure we are being authentic with our children, as well as giving them agency.
#Californiatherapist #Childrenofdivorce #custodybattle #cognitivedissonance
What kinds of messes has your ex made that you’re still having to clean up?
Need support with stuff like this? Let us teach you how to HELP YOURSELF! 💜
If you are struggling in a high-conflict relationship, divorce, custody battle, or co-parenting hell which requires PERSONALIZED attention, let us HOLD YOUR HAND with our EXPERT, STRATEGIC guidance based on years of success.
➡️ Comment ALIGN to schedule a free discovery call (Zoom) and check out our weekly Legal Abuse Support Group. 💪
#cleaningupthemess #postseparationabuse
