OVERWHELMED BY YOUR CRAZY DIVORCE OR CUSTODY BATTLE?
Divorcing a narcissist can be a nightmare. The aftermath can be worse.
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High-Conflict Divorce, Custody, & Co-Parenting Strategists
If you have a crazy situation that nobody — including your lawyer — seems to understand, if your legal fight is dragging on forever, or if your former partner is undermining your relationships with your children… This is different. It requires a different approach.
We only deal with the worst cases. We're very comfortable with chaos.
We're Chris & Lisa. We've both been there ourselves in our own divorces. We both got out in one piece, but not without making costly mistakes. If we only knew then what we know now, we both could have saved who-knows-how-much time, money, and energy.
With "all the knowledge, wisdom, & experience we never wanted," we have helped hundreds of clients & thousands in our broader community navigate these horrific situations.
The Worst Part of Your Life Is Coming to a Close
It probably didn't start out feeling that way. For most of our clients, mothers and fathers both, it starts something like this…
Staying “for the kids”
Alex had always been resilient. Surely she could have endured the abuse until their children were out of the house. But she finally had to leave when she learned about the dangers facing kids who grow up in abusive homes, not the least of which is learning that "this is normal," which sets them up for the same kind of relationships in their lives.
“My lawyer will save me.”
Alex was terrified of family court. She had no idea how the process worked, and her ex was off the rails — not complying with discovery and making wild, false allegations that SHE was abusive! Her attorney had claimed to understand narcissism, but later told her, "This is the craziest case I've ever had!"
“Nobody sees it!”
As the legal costs skyrocketed, so did Alex's fear. The judge seemed to believe her ex and his bully attorney, no matter how absurd their claims, while Alex's narrative about all the abuse she suffered was falling on deaf ears — even making things worse — as she just tried to protect her children from her ex.
“I'll have my day in court.”
As the custody battle raged on, Alex lost hope that it would ever end. Her lawyer had told her that everyone calms down eventually, but her ex was angrier than ever, and Alex knew that would never change. She came to understand that he'd never be satisfied until she was homeless, penniless, and childless. A trial would cost a fortune, and it looked more and more like things wouldn't go her way.
Just make it stop!
Out of money and energy, her lawyer hardly even returning her calls, Alex finally took a settlement offer that she knew was unfair. Why did everyone — the mediator, the judge, even her own attorney — push her to make concessions, when the other side never gave an inch?!? Desperate at this point, at least Alex was out of the legal system… for now.
Your own personal terrorist.
As unhappy as she was with the custody terms, it was even worse trying to co-parent with her ex. Their parenting plan was filled with vague language and her ex took full advantage in an effort to continue the same power dynamic from their marriage. It was impossible to cooperate on anything, and her ex made constant demands and threats. The fight was far from over.
What's happening to my children?
Alex also felt her relationship with her kids changing… and not for the better. They were parroting what her ex would say, and becoming more and more difficult. She knew her ex was trying to turn the kids against her, and feared it was working.
Sound familiar?
Maybe you're at the start of this path. Maybe you're deep into it. Wherever you are — the disbelief, the costs, the fear of what it's doing to your kids — that's a lot. But there's a lot you can do about it.
Get resources for where you are right now →Two Big Problems
If you're like Alex, there are two main reasons you might suffer so much more than you have to:
You don't understand what's going on or how to deal with it.
Family court and everything surrounding it can be a confounding, frustrating environment that makes no sense. When your ex has a high-conflict personality, it can be a maddening sinkhole of time, money, and emotional energy. You need to know how to take more of a leadership role, build your narrative, and communicate with your ex strategically to give yourself the strongest chance at getting the best possible outcome.
You don't have the right support and give up too soon.
Divorcing a narcissist is never easy, and even when the dust settles from the legal fight, the conflict is not going to stop. High-conflict personality types are exhausting to deal with, and so often those closest to you just don't "get it." You need the support of people who will never say, "Why don't you just…"
We believe that we are the best in the world at what we do.
That's a big claim. Here's why we feel that way.
We're not attorneys or therapists. We fill in the big gaps they can't — the parts where you have to run your own case, deal with your own ex, and protect your own kids, often for years. When a client brings us something we haven't seen before, we go and find the person who has.
That's how 370 interviews with lawyers, therapists, custody evaluators, and professionals of every type happened: one real question at a time. It's why we can usually tell you what your ex is likely to do next, and what tends to work against it.
You have more control here than you think. The chaos is expensive — in time, money, emotional energy, unfavorable legal outcomes, and fear. A great deal of it is avoidable.
Expert advice, how and when you need it
Wherever you are in your own journey, we've been there, and we'll walk you home.
The single best thing you can do to support your case…
There is usually no better evidence for a custody case than your direct communications with your ex. We spend more time with our clients on strategic communication than anything else, for good reason.
Watch the free webinar
Strategic Coaching
Our audience tends to be crisis-driven, just like we were years ago. If you need help right now and want to work directly with us, we still accept 1:1 (well, 2:1) coaching clients.
Book a free 25-minute call
Get up to speed in a weekend
When leaving a relationship with a narcissist, you can't just walk away — especially with children in the picture. Our first book is the unvarnished guide to what actually lies ahead.
Get it on Amazon
When your ex turns the kids against you
Our book on parental alienation — what it looks like, why it happens, and what you can actually do about it, with a foreword by Bill Eddy.
Get it on AmazonOur Clients Say…
Real outcomes, from real clients.
"20 months later, we won in court today. The allocation remains 80/20 as it has been, the children have a say if they want to go, AND his child support went up. The battle for my kids was won today. We will never have to go through this again."
— Mina T."I just got the orders and I'm crying (in a good way!) For the first time I saw him held accountable. It makes me feel so validated and seen. I owe so much of my victory to your book and coaching. I am genuinely not afraid any longer."
— Andrea M.Her daughter had stopped speaking to her. She kept documenting anyway, and filed for contempt when the order was ignored. Eventually her daughter asked to be picked up, and left with two suitcases. Her ex's own attorney proposed primary residence with mom. They live together now.
— Coaching clientStory shared with us, details changed"We settled! We saved thousands doing so. We used a longer term parenting plan like you suggested which keeps us out of court for a longer time! I'm happy we got out… Thank you for helping us."
— Sadhana V."I represented myself for the first time as a pro se. It felt so much better than having an attorney. It was wonderful! This is everything I ever wanted!"
— Allie G."Mediation was a success… I have full decision making… We got child support, school tuition & medical expenses!"
— Jackson C.Real clients, real outcomes. We've changed names and identifying details — anonymity is part of how we work, and your details will always stay completely private too. Quotes are otherwise word-for-word; where we've retold a longer story, we say so.
Critical Areas of Focus
Navigating a high-conflict divorce or custody battle requires a precise, strategic approach. We zero in on the aspects of your case where we can make the biggest difference:
Take Strategic Oversight of Your Case
These cases are different and require a different approach. You need to take more of a leadership role and get out in front of all the chaos.
How to get out in front of it →Communicate Strategically with Your Ex
ChatGPT won't cure your PTSD! Support your case, shift the power dynamic, and maybe solve a problem or two by communicating properly with your ex. This is too important for AI.
Watch the free webinarAlign Your Documentation with What the Judge Cares About
Too many people waste their opportunity to present their case by focusing on things the court doesn't care about (like your ex's abusive behavior towards you).
What judges actually want to see →Present Yourself in the Best Possible Light
Mediators, custody evaluators, GALs, and of course judges will have a huge say in the next phase of your life. You need them to like — and believe — you.
How to present well in court →Draft an Airtight Parenting Plan
And your ex will try everything to weaponize it. Lawyers' template plans are almost always filled with problems. We can close the loopholes and make sure your plan is airtight.
What belongs in a parenting plan →Counter Your Ex's Efforts to Turn Your Children Against You
The most tragic situations we see are when narcissistic exes alienate kids from loving parents. No matter how bad it is, there's a LOT you can do.
What you can do about alienation →It's going to be ok… really.
Wherever you are in this, you don't have to figure it out alone.
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