"You're not paranoid if they're actually watching you." — Greg Glassock, private investigator and former police officer
It usually starts with something small and impossible to prove. Your ex mentions a detail they shouldn't know — a conversation that happened behind a closed door, or where you were last night.Coincidence, maybe, until it happens again. And again. And when you express your concern out loud to a friend, you’re dismissed for just being “paranoid.”
If that's you — exhausted, and second-guessing yourself , know that your instincts are providing you with data, and it’s not just drama. To understand how to protect yourself from a stalker, we went to Greg Glassock, a former police officer and the CEO of Olympic Tactical, a private investigation agency in Seattle, and he's spent about two decades helping people figure out whether they're being watched — and what to do about it.
Here's his thoughts on spotting surveillance, making yourself a harder target, and turning what's happening to you into something a court will actually do something about.
First, trust the instinct that something's wrong
The single most underrated tool you have, Greg says, is the one you were born with. "Humans have developed that instinct over a long time to help keep us alive," he explains. "If you feel a tingle in the back of your neck, you feel your Spidey-sense going on — that's a good time to look around and try to find out what's causing that."
That matters because the people we're talking about are skilled at making you doubt yourself. So when a friend or family member says you're being paranoid, Greg's answer is, "You're not paranoid if they're actually watching you." Trusting that signal isn't hysteria — it's the beginning of learning how to protect yourself.
How stalkers actually operate
Understanding the playbook takes some of its power away. Greg describes people who "live their life as a predator" and develop an animal-like ability to "smell out weakness" and use it to crank up your fear. A few of their most common tactics:
Isolation. "That is one of the trademark characteristics of a domestic violence situation," Greg says — cutting you off socially and financially "so that they take away some of your power to get help." If you feel alone in this, that may be by design, not by accident. (This is the same coercive-control machinery we describe in our guide to high-conflict abuse and alienation.)
Threatening a resource. A job, a family member, a lifeline. "I'll show up at your job and make a scene" is a surprisingly effective threat when your income or reputation feels fragile.
Technology. Twenty or thirty years ago, Greg notes, a stalker "would have to follow you… approach friends, family, neighbors." Now your digital footprint does that work for them — social media broadcasts your routines, friends, and what you're doing on any given day. He calls the digital space "one of our biggest vulnerabilities now," and it's why the "weird coincidences" so many people report rarely are. "We don't believe in coincidences," he says.
How to tell if you're being surveilled — and what to do first
Hidden surveillance is real and, unfortunately, ordinary-looking. Cameras and microphones are manufactured into everyday objects — light bulbs, alarm clocks, smoke detectors — and Greg points out that someone needs physical access to place one, and then a way to send the recording out, "typically through the Wi-Fi router." That last detail is your first, easiest move: if you suspect you're being monitored, change your Wi-Fi password and the passwords on your connected devices. "It may be working," he says of a hidden device, "but if it can't get onto the internet, it can't send the information."
Beyond that, a full professional "bug sweep" is far harder than television makes it look — Greg describes a team of four spending six hours in a 2,000-square-foot home with a portable X-ray machine. A realistic do-it-yourself version: turn on your phone's Wi-Fi, walk slowly through your home, and watch which network names get stronger or weaker. An unfamiliar signal you can Google and trace to a device is worth investigating. It's not foolproof, but it's a start.
(Locking down your actual phone, accounts, and smart devices is a deep topic of its own — we'll cover Greg's step-by-step device playbook in a companion piece.)
Become a hard target: the color-code system
Greg teaches situational awareness as four simple conditions:
- White — unaware and switched off. Reserve it for genuinely safe spaces only: "I'm inside my house, I'm on the couch," in the shower, or asleep.
- Yellow — alert and aware, but not afraid. Head up, noticing sound and movement, heart rate normal. "That's where we want to live," he says, when we're out in the world.
- Orange — a specific thing has caught your attention. Someone's approaching, an unfamiliar noise. You're not panicking; you're deciding what to do.
- Red — full fight-or-flight. Useful in a true emergency, but we can't stay there very long because of what the adrenaline does to our body and our judgment.
The goal is to cycle between yellow and orange outside, and save white for safety. Greg is candid that this is exactly where trauma makes things hard: many people leaving abuse are stuck bouncing between orange and red — hypervigilant, running on a worn-down nervous system. His advice is gentle and practical: run a quick self-check ("Am I injured? Am I tired? Am I hungry?"), tend to what you find, and then you can begin to bring yourself back down.
The color code feeds directly into being a "hard target." Predators want a soft one — Greg describes what this looks like visibly: head down, shoulders slouched, moving carefully, wanting to be left alone and not looking at anyone. A hard target walks with their head high, at a brisk pace, meeting others’ eyes, looking like they know exactly where they're going. He's watched predators read a person's demeanor from a block away. And note that "perception can be reality." Even if you don't feel strong, projecting it — the old fake it till you make it — genuinely makes stalkers pass you by. "That is definitely a good set of armor to have," he says.
If you think you're being followed
Greg has a specific tool for the car or the sidewalk, borrowed from executive protection work: the surveillance detection route. Because following someone well is expensive, a lone stalker is almost always working alone. So if you feel a tail, "make a series of unusual turns and continue that pattern of random turns for a period of time." One of two things happens — they break off because they will realize you've spotted them, or they stay with you, which confirms what you already suspected.
Once you know you're being followed, don't drive home, and head for a pre-identified safety zone. Greg's teams map these in advance: police and fire stations, sometimes hospitals. Pull right up to the front door. Even if it doesn't summon an immediate police response, it's usually enough to make a follower peel off — and it can buy you time to breathe, make a plan, and call someone.
Police, private investigators, and getting taken seriously
Your first call is still the police — "making a report is absolutely the first thing to do, to get it documented," Greg says. But he's honest, as a former officer, about the limits: departments are overwhelmed and understaffed (he cites one metro force down 600 officers), often aren't trained in the nuances of coercive control, and tend to be reactive. "They often rely on something actually having occurred," which is cold comfort when you're trying to prevent it.
That gap is where a private investigator can help — not to replace the police, but to "gather some of that evidence that will add weight to your story." If you've filed reports and documented the pattern and still can't get action, a PI can define realistic goals with you (say, evidence to support a no-contact order) and, for example, capture video of someone coming onto your property to hand to police. Greg also recommends leading with empathy and building relationships with law enforcement. Rather than firing off endless reports, get to know one deputy or detective, understand that they're genuinely swamped, and be "as logical and specific as possible." A person who already knows your story is worth more than a stack of complaints.
Using surveillance and evidence in court — carefully
Evidence of stalking "can be both helpful and damaging, depending on the case," Greg warns. A documented pattern of abuse or stalking can go a long way toward convincing a judge to sign orders that give you boundaries and protection. But there's a trap: if the other side is claiming you're the aggressor and you go surveil them, "that can look like stalking." It's a fine line between building your case and handing the other side ammunition.
His rule is firm: never launch your own surveillance without consulting your attorney first, because it may act against your interests in ways you can't yet see. Both he and Lisa have watched a well-meaning move blow up in someone's face in court. (We go deeper into how this plays out — and how a high-conflict ex can weaponize the legal system itself — in Stalking Through the Courts.)
The habit that protects you most: document everything
If you take one thing from Greg, make it this line: "If it's not documented, it never happened." It's the mantra of his entire industry, and it's the great equalizer for anyone who feels dismissed.
You don't need dramatic proof to start. A simple notebook — date, time, phone number, a note about what happened — builds something powerful over time. "The more specific it is, the more believable it is later," Greg says. Most people don't invent detailed, dated logs, so specificity itself lends you credibility even without photos or recordings. And it's not wasted if nothing happens right away: if a stalker stops because they realize they've been noticed, your notebook still preserves the pattern — and if the police do eventually engage, they can subpoena phone records to corroborate what you wrote down. A pattern, not a single incident, is what moves a judge.
Questions to ask yourself
- Am I dismissing my own instincts because someone told me I'm being paranoid?
- Which color am I living in most days — and what would help me get back to yellow?
- Have I started a dated, specific log, or am I relying on memory?
- Have I changed my Wi-Fi and key passwords since the last incident?
- Before I gather any evidence myself, have I talked to my attorney about how it could look in court?
Moving forward
Being watched — or wondering if you are — is a lonely fear, precisely because it's so hard to prove. But you are not not crazy. Trust the tingle at the back of your neck, make yourself a harder target, learn whether that really is "coincidence," and build the documented patterns that turns your story into evidence.
You can't control whether someone chooses to stalk you, but you can control how aware you are, how you carry yourself, and who you bring onto your team. As Greg put it, having this information out there is gold — because the very nature of this kind of abuse is to make you feel alone..
Resources
Greg Glassock — private investigator, former police officer, and CEO of Olympic Tactical, a private investigation agency based in Seattle, Washington. Search his name and company for his business listing.
From Been There Got Out: a documented pattern is one of the most important things you can build in a high-conflict case — see our guide to recognizing and fighting coercive control and alienation for how targeted documentation works when it counts.
Frequently Asked Questions About Protecting Yourself From a Stalker
How can I tell if I'm being stalked or surveilled?
Start with two signals: your instincts and the "weird coincidences." Private investigator Greg Glassock says the gut feeling that something's off — "a tingle in the back of your neck" — is a survival instinct worth heeding, and not dismissing. The second sign is a pattern of an ex knowing things they shouldn't: private conversations, your daily movements, details you never shared with them. "We don't believe in coincidences," Greg says, because today's stalking is often powered by your digital footprint and connected devices rather than someone physically following you. If small, specific details keep leaking to a person who shouldn't have them, treat it as a signal to investigate.
What should I do if I think someone is monitoring me through my devices or home?
Your fastest first move is to cut off how the information travels. Greg Glassock explains that hidden cameras and microphones — often built into ordinary objects like light bulbs or smoke detectors — usually relay their recordings out through your Wi-Fi. So change your Wi-Fi password and the passwords on your connected devices right away: "if it can't get onto the internet, it can't send the information." For a do-it-yourself sweep, turn on your phone's Wi-Fi and walk through your home watching for unfamiliar network signals that strengthen near a particular spot. A full professional bug sweep is labor-intensive and expensive, so start with the simple, high-impact steps first and escalate to a professional only if concerns persist.
What do I say when people tell me I'm just being paranoid?
You don't have to prove your case to them — you just have to honor your own safety. Greg Glassock asserts, "You're not paranoid if they're actually watching you." A calm, honest response works best: acknowledge you might be wrong, but explain what you're genuinely feeling. and need to rule things out for your own peace of mind. If the person you're worried about has a documented history of this behavior, it's fair to point that out too. Being unable to instantly prove something doesn't make it untrue — many forms of surveillance and coercion are, by design, hard to see and to explain to an outsider.
How do I know if I'm being followed?
Use what security professionals call a surveillance detection route. Because following someone well is costly, Greg Glassock notes a stalker is almost always working alone — which makes them easier to flush out. If you suspect a tail while driving, make a series of unusual, random turns and keep the pattern going for a while. The follower will either break off (realizing you've spotted them) or stay with you, confirming your suspicion. If you're being followed, don't go home: head to a pre-identified safety zone such as a police or fire station and pull up to the front door. Even without an immediate police response, that's usually enough to make a follower peel away and buy you time.
How can I make myself a harder target for a stalker?
Project awareness and confidence, because predators actively seek soft targets. Greg Glassock teaches a simple color code: white (switched off, only for truly safe places), yellow (relaxed but aware — where you want to live outside), orange (something specific has your attention), and red (full fight-or-flight). Cycling between yellow and orange keeps you alert without burning out. Pair that with your body language: a "hard target" walks with their head up, at a brisk pace, meeting others’ eyes, looking purposeful, while a soft target looks down, and appears closed-off. "Perception can be reality," Greg says — even projected confidence you don't fully feel works as genuine armor, because predators can read demeanor from a distance.
Should I hire a private investigator or just go to the police?
Go to the police first — filing a report gets the situation formally documented, which matters later. But Greg Glassock, himself a former officer, is candid that departments are often overwhelmed, undertrained in coercive control, and reactive, tending to wait until "something actually occurred." That's the gap a private investigator can fill: not replacing law enforcement, but gathering evidence — like video of someone trespassing on your property — that adds weight to your report. If you've documented the pattern and still can't get traction, a PI can help you set realistic goals, such as evidence to support a no-contact order. Whichever route you take, build a relationship with one officer rather than filing endless separate complaints.
Can surveillance or evidence help me in a custody or divorce case?
It can help significantly — but it can also backfire, so get legal advice first. A documented pattern of stalking or abuse, Greg Glassock says, can convince a judge to issue protective orders and boundaries, because courts are far more persuaded by a pattern over time than by a single incident. The danger: if the other side is painting you as the aggressor and you surveil them, it "can look like stalking" and damage your case. He strongly advises never launching your own surveillance without consulting your attorney, because it may work against you in ways you can't anticipate. Evidence is powerful, but in a contested case, strategy and timing determine whether it helps or hurts.
How do I document stalking so it actually helps me?
Keep a simple, specific, dated log — and start now. Greg Glassock's industry runs on one saying: "If it's not documented, it never happened." You don't need dramatic proof to begin; a notebook noting the date, time, phone number, and what happened builds a credible record over time, because "the more specific it is, the more believable it is later." Most people don't fabricate detailed, dated logs, so the specificity itself lends you credibility even without photos or recordings. And the record isn't wasted if the behavior pauses — it preserves the pattern, and if police later engage, they can subpoena phone records to corroborate your notes. Consistency is what turns scattered incidents into a case.
