Coming to grips with the fact that you’re in a toxic relationship with a high-conflict partner is hard enough, but deciding what to do about it can be even harder. And you may be facing these decisions while you’re in an emotionally compromised state. It’s likely that you’ve been emotionally abused, and you need time to heal before you’re back to your old self.
This is hard. Really hard. You need to remember that it’s not you. Your partner is broken, and she can’t be fixed. The behavior is not going to change. In fact, if your partner suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and senses that you’ve been nearly sucked dry as a source of narcissistic supply, things are going to get a lot worse.
There is no going back to “how things used to be,” if indeed things ever really were all that good (you’ll probably soon realize they weren’t.) You can choose to stay knowing this. You can choose to be the target of ever-increasing abuse for any of the reasons that people use to avoid or defer the perilous path that lies ahead.
Or, you can get out, and save yourself.
For loving, empathic people – the type of people abusers frequently target – committing to take action, our way of saying “deciding to get out,” can be incredibly difficult.
I personally was so stuck that I never left (my narcissist ex actually left me.) And in my infinite wisdom, while I was still completely ignorant of what was really going on, I pleaded with her to reconcile in the weeks following our separation. How utterly foolish it all seems now, but I had been brainwashed, in essence, and I needed time to regain my center.
In the meantime, I made a ton of mistakes that would prove costly over the next few years. One of our goals at Been There Got Out is to help people avoid these common pitfalls, l