If your marriage or serious relationship has become strained, you and your partner may consider couples counseling. There’s no doubt that a good therapist can help otherwise healthy couples work through issues that are giving them trouble.

But if your partner is an abuser, it’s a completely different story, and couples counseling will be a complete waste of time.

Why?

Narcissism and other high-conflict personality disorders cannot be “cured.” That’s not to say that the narcissist in your life won’t tease you with some short-term positive behaviors. They might do exactly that to keep you in the fold. But it’s a fantasy to believe that things will somehow change for the better in a lasting way.

In fact, while you might long for past days when things were better, if you really are honest with yourself, you’ll realize that things were never healthy between you and your partner. Exciting, fun, whirlwind romance? Sure. But, truly healthy? Probably not.

I used to tell myself that we (my severe malignant narcissist ex-wife and I) “had some good years.” But looking back now with clarity, we just had some less awful years. You may be in for a similar revelation down the road,

If a narcissist agrees to counseling, you can expect one or more of these behaviors:

  • They will spin everything and turn it around to make the problems in your relationship your fault. They will take no responsibility, unless maybe to appear reasonable to the therapist.
  • As master manipulators, they may completely fool the therapist and turn him or her against you.
  • They may enjoy tormenting you by lying about you. They will thrive on your emot