Start by setting clear communication expectations, then escalate if nothing changes. Unresponsiveness is one of the most common complaints we hear, and it has two very different causes. Sometimes your lawyer is deliberately not billing you for a non-urgent issue – which is actually considerate. Sometimes they are overloaded and not prioritizing your case – which is not. Your job is to tell the two apart, and to insist on the clear, predictable communication any healthy professional relationship needs.
Set the expectation first
Clear expectations should be set from the very first meeting: how often you’ll talk about the case, how quickly you can expect a reply, and through what channel. If that was never established, establish it now – a short, calm message asking for a standing check-in and a realistic response window is reasonable and often resolves the problem on its own.
Understand the billing reality
Part of what feels like silence is money. Most attorneys bill in six-minute increments, and a single emailed question can cost real money to answer — on the east coast of the US, one of our own attorneys pegs an average email question at $75–$95. So batch your questions, keep them specific, and route emotional support to people who aren’t billing you by the tenth of an hour. That both lowers your bill and makes your genuinely important messages stand out.
When it’s a real problem
If you’ve set clear expectations, kept your communication tight, and your lawyer is still going dark on time-sensitive matters, that is a problem – especially around deadlines. Put your concern in writing, ask directly whether your case is being prioritized, and request a call. Persistent non-response on urgent matters, after you’ve done your part, is a legitimate reason to consider changing counsel. Throughout, keep your own copies of filings and deadlines so a slow lawyer can’t cost you a court date.
A divorce coach can also absorb a lot of the questions you’d otherwise send a lawyer at $95 a message – part of why BTGO exists; if that would help, a discovery call is available, and you are free to use what is here at your own discretion.
Frequently asked questions
What do I do if my lawyer won’t respond to me?
Set clear communication expectations first: a regular check-in and a realistic response window. Batch and tighten your questions. If, after that, your lawyer still goes dark on time-sensitive matters, put your concern in writing and consider changing counsel.
Why does my divorce lawyer take so long to reply?
Two common reasons: they may be deliberately not billing you for a non-urgent question, or they may be overloaded and not prioritizing your case. Setting expectations and keeping messages specific helps you tell the difference.
How much does it cost to email my divorce lawyer?
Often more than people expect. Most attorneys bill in six-minute increments, and an average emailed question can run roughly $75 to $95. Batch your questions and route emotional support elsewhere to keep bills down.
Is my lawyer allowed to just ignore me?
They should communicate on the terms you agreed to. Occasional delay on non-urgent issues is normal, but persistent silence on time-sensitive matters, after you’ve set clear expectations, is a legitimate reason to escalate or change lawyers.
How do I keep an unresponsive lawyer from costing me a court date?
Keep your own copies of filings and a calendar of every deadline, confirm important dates in writing, and follow up in writing on anything time-sensitive so nothing depends solely on a slow reply. This is part of what BTGO considers taking strategic oversight of your case.
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