Parental alienation is when one parent works to damage or destroy a child’s relationship with the other parent, through badmouthing, interfering with contact, and teaching the child to see one parent as all good and the other as all bad. It shows up before, during, and after a high-conflict separation, and it is different from a child who is simply struggling with divorce. If your child has turned against you for reasons they cannot really explain, while your co-parent does nothing to repair it (or encourages it), that pattern has a name.
These answers cover the questions parents actually ask us. Start with whichever one sounds like your situation. For the full step-by-step guide, read the complete parental alienation guide.
Recognizing it
Responding to it
Reunification and the long game
In court
Also on the BTGO site
- The complete parental alienation guide
- “Just Pretend They Are Dead”: what it’s like to be the alienated child
- Overcoming parental alienation: healing & reconnection, Part I · Part II
Frequently asked questions
What is parental alienation?
One parent working to damage or destroy a child’s relationship with the other parent, through badmouthing, interfering with contact, and teaching the child to see one parent as all good and the other as all bad.
How is alienation different from a child just struggling with the divorce?
A struggling child can still recall good times with you and settles in over a visit. An alienated child shows fixed, unexplained hostility and borrowed complaints, feels no guilt about severing your relationship, and the favored parent does nothing to repair the relationship.
What is the difference between alienation and justified estrangement?
Alienation is a child turned against a safe, loving parent. Justified estrangement is a child protecting themselves from a parent who actually harmed them. Which one it is determines the right response, so the distinction matters enormously.
What should I do first if I think my child is being alienated?
Document the pattern rather than reacting to each incident, keep showing up consistently even when contact is being refused, avoid bad-mouthing in return, and get advice on whether legal steps may be appropriate for your situation.
