The single biggest decision at the start of a high-conflict divorce is choosing not just a good attorney, but the right one, someone who understands that “high-conflict” is not the same as “really angry,” and who won’t be worn down by an ex who refuses to be reasonable. Just as important is how you work with them: you are a client, which makes you a consumer entitled to top-quality service, and you should take strategic oversight of your own case rather than handing it over completely to anyone else.
These answers cover finding, vetting, and managing a divorce lawyer when your ex is high-conflict. Start with whichever one fits your situation.
Finding the right one
- How do I choose the right divorce attorney?
- How do I find a lawyer who understands narcissistic and high-conflict behavior?
When the relationship isn’t working
- I don’t trust my attorney, should I change lawyers?
- Why doesn’t my lawyer take the abuse seriously?
- My lawyer is ghosting me, what do I do?
- I’ve paid a fortune and nothing is happening!
- My lawyer dropped me, what now?
- My lawyer mishandled my case, what recourse do I have?
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Frequently asked questions
How do I choose a divorce attorney for a high-conflict case?
Look for someone who understands that high-conflict is not the same as really angry, who has handled cases involving abuse or alienation, and who will not be worn down by an ex that refuses to be reasonable.
Can I question my attorney’s strategy?
Yes. You are the client, which makes you a consumer entitled to good service and to being able to take strategic oversight of decisions you and your family have to live with.
What do I do if my lawyer stops responding?
Put the concern in writing, ask for a specific timeline and next steps, and escalate within the firm if needed. Persistent non-communication is a legitimate reason to consider changing counsel.
When should I change divorce attorneys?
When there is a persistent mismatch in strategy, communication, or understanding of high-conflict behavior. Weigh timing and cost, because changing mid-case has real consequences.
