If you are in danger, call the police. Safety comes first, and that decision is not really a strategic one. Whether to press charges is a separate question you can weigh afterward. Even when no charges follow, a police report creates a dated, official record that can matter later in family court. And if you did not call the police or press charges in the past, that does not erase what happened, you can still document it and, in many cases, testify to it. The record you build, formal and informal, is what makes abusive patterns visible.
Calling the police versus pressing charges
These are two different things. Calling the police is about your immediate safety and about creating a record. Pressing charges starts a criminal process, and in many places the prosecutor, not you, ultimately decides whether a case goes forward. You can call for help and document an incident without controlling what happens next in the criminal system.
Why the record matters later
Family court runs on documentation. A police report is hard to dismiss as after-the-fact storytelling, which is exactly why it carries weight. Steve Dana, a survivor advocate who has supported people through these hearings, pushes back on the common fears that stop people from acting.
Just because you did not call the police, or you dropped an order before, does not mean you cannot get a restraining order.
Steve Dana, founder of Protection from Abuse
If you stayed quiet in the past
Many people did not report earlier incidents, out of fear, hope, or protecting the kids. That is normal and it does not disqualify you. You can start documenting now, and you can describe earlier events in your own testimony. Going forward, Been There Got Out’s advice to people being harassed is to document each occurrence and resist the urge to go easy. What you are building is a pattern, and patterns are persuasive.
Thinking through when to involve police without escalating your risk is something BTGO’s coaching helps parents plan. Use these answers at your own discretion.
Frequently asked questions
Should I call the police on my ex?
If you are in danger, yes. Calling the police is about immediate safety and creating an official record. That decision should not wait on strategy.
What are the benefits of pressing charges?
Pressing charges starts a criminal process and creates a formal record. In many places the prosecutor decides whether the case proceeds, so you can report and document an incident without controlling the outcome.
If I did not press charges in the past, can I still use that incident?
Usually yes. Not reporting earlier does not erase what happened. You can begin documenting now and testify to earlier events; a police report simply adds weight when it exists.
Does a police report help in family court?
It can. A report is a dated, official record that is hard to dismiss as after-the-fact, which is why it often carries weight in custody and protective-order matters.
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