If you have any say in who the evaluator is, research candidates and push for one who is trauma-informed, experienced with domestic violence and abuse, and focused on outcomes for the children — and try to be the first parent to meet with them. Often you won’t get to choose, but where you do, the evaluator’s orientation can shape the entire outcome, so it’s worth the effort to influence the selection.
The qualities that matter
Look for an evaluator who is trauma-informed, has real experience with domestic violence and coercive control, and centers on the children’s well-being. An evaluator who doesn’t understand abuse dynamics can be talked in circles by a manipulative parent; one who does is far harder to fool.
Try to go first
First impressions carry more weight than most parents realize. NY family-law attorney Dennis Vetrano told us that studies show “confirmation bias” among these professionals:
The first story these people hear often tends to stick with them, and it can be difficult to change their minds.
So if there’s an opportunity to be the first parent the evaluator meets, take it — and make that first meeting count.
Do your homework
Research an evaluator’s reputation and track record the same way you’d vet any professional who holds this much sway. If you have input into the choice through your attorney, use it thoughtfully rather than passively accepting whoever is assigned.
Vetting the professionals who will shape your case is exactly the kind of strategic work BTGO helps clients do; if you’d like a second set of eyes, a discovery call is available, and you are free to use what is here at your own discretion.
Frequently asked questions
Do I get to choose the custody evaluator?
Sometimes you have input through your attorney, and sometimes one is simply assigned. Where you do have a say, use it: research candidates and advocate for one who understands abuse dynamics, because the evaluator’s orientation can shape the outcome.
What should I look for in a custody evaluator?
Someone trauma-informed, experienced with domestic violence and coercive control, and focused on the children’s well-being. An evaluator who understands abuse dynamics is much harder for a manipulative parent to fool.
Should I try to meet the evaluator first?
Yes, if you can. First impressions carry weight; attorney Dennis Vetrano notes confirmation bias means the first story often sticks. Being first, and making that meeting count, is a real advantage.
Can I object to a custody evaluator I don’t trust?
Sometimes, through your attorney and depending on jurisdiction, especially if there’s a conflict of interest or bias. It’s difficult to remove an evaluator once appointed, so it’s better to influence the selection up front where possible.
Related: all custody-evaluation answers · parental alienation answers
