Family court runs on vocabulary that nobody explains to you, and not knowing it makes the process far more frightening than it needs to be. A few you will meet immediately: petitioner (the person who files first) and respondent (the other party); discovery (the exchange of financial and other information); temporary or pendente lite orders (rules that apply while the case is pending); legal custody (decision-making) versus physical custody (where the child lives); GAL (guardian ad litem, appointed to represent the child’s interests); and motion (a request asking the judge to do something).
People in your case
Petitioner or plaintiff is whoever files first, which carries almost no advantage despite how it feels. Respondent or defendant is the other party. A guardian ad litem (GAL) may be appointed to represent the child’s best interests, sometimes called an attorney for the child or AFC in some states, although these are slightly different roles, and reports to the court. A custody evaluator or parenting evaluator is a neutral professional, usually with a psychology background, who assesses the family and recommends an arrangement. A parenting coordinator helps implement an existing order and resolve day-to-day disputes.
Types of custody
Legal custody is decision-making authority over education, health care, extracurriculars, and religion. Physical custody (or residential custody) is where the child actually lives. Either can be joint or sole, and the two are decided separately, which is why you can have joint legal custody with a primary physical arrangement. Parenting time or access is the schedule itself.
Things that happen in a case
A motion asks the judge to order something. Discovery is the formal exchange of information, including bank statements, pay stubs, and answers to written questions (interrogatories). A deposition is sworn testimony taken outside court. Temporary or pendente lite orders govern the period while the case is pending, and they matter more than most people expect, because they establish a status quo. Mediation is assisted negotiation. Contempt is the mechanism for enforcing an order that has been violated. Modification changes an existing order when circumstances have changed significantly.
Ask when you don’t know
Nobody is born knowing this vocabulary, and professionals often forget that. Ask your attorney to translate anything you do not understand, and what a given step actually means or decides. Understanding what is at stake in each stage is what lets you make informed decisions instead of reacting to them.
If it would help to have someone translate the process and what each stage means for your situation, that is a lot of what BTGO’s coaching does. Use these answers to go at your own pace.
Frequently asked questions
What is the difference between legal and physical custody?
Legal custody is decision-making authority over things like education, health care, extracurriculars, and religion. Physical custody is where the child actually lives. Either can be joint or sole, and they are decided separately.
What is a guardian ad litem (GAL)?
A person appointed to represent the child’s best interests, sometimes called an attorney for the child or AFC in some states, although these are slightly different roles. They investigate and report to the court, and their recommendations carry weight.
What does pendente lite mean?
It means ‘while the case is pending.’ Pendente lite or temporary orders set the rules that apply until the case concludes, and they matter because they establish a status quo.
What is discovery in a divorce?
The formal exchange of information between parties: bank statements, pay stubs, written questions called interrogatories, and sometimes depositions. It is how each side learns what the other has.
Does it matter who files first?
Usually very little legally, despite how significant it feels. Filing first can affect timing and, in some places, scheduling, but it does not decide custody or property.
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