There are established routes for both, and the useful first step is usually to wait until your own case is finished. Advocacy work while you are still in litigation can be used against you, and the emotional demands are considerable while you are still in it. When you are ready, options include supporting legislative change such as coercive-control laws, volunteering with domestic-violence organizations, peer support, and professional paths including coaching and advocacy. Turning the experience into something useful is a common and healthy impulse, provided it is not a substitute for your own recovery.
Changing the laws in your state
Coercive-control legislation has moved state by state, driven substantially by survivors who testified about what the existing definitions missed. Connecticut’s Jennifers’ Law, which expanded the legal definition of domestic violence to include coercive control, is an example of what that work produces, and Been There Got Out’s Lisa was among those who testified in support of it.
Practical routes: contact organizations already running a campaign in your state rather than starting alone, since they know the bill status and legislative calendar; ask your state coalition against domestic violence how to help; and offer testimony if you are willing, which is frequently the most persuasive element in a hearing. Be aware that public testimony creates a public record, so consider the effect on your own case and your children before deciding.
Helping others directly
Domestic-violence agencies rely on volunteers and typically provide training: hotline work, court accompaniment, support-group facilitation, and administrative help. Court self-help programs sometimes use trained volunteers too. Peer support, formal or informal, matters enormously.
Making it professional
Some people move into this as work: divorce coaching, victim advocacy, or, with the relevant qualifications, therapy or law. Coaching in particular has a low barrier to entry, which cuts both ways. If you are considering it, know that lived experience is a genuine asset and not sufficient on its own; training, supervision, and a clear sense of the line between coaching and clinical or legal advice all matter. Been There Got Out began exactly here, with two people who had been through it and decided to build something for the people coming afterwards.
A caution worth naming
Helping others can be genuinely healing and can also become a way of staying inside the experience. If advocacy is keeping you at the same pitch of anger and immersion, pay attention. The people who sustain this work longest tend to be those who did their own recovery first and can hold others’ stories without being pulled back under.
If you are thinking about turning what you learned into work, that is a conversation BTGO is glad to have.
Frequently asked questions
Can I get my state to pass coercive control laws?
Survivor advocacy has driven these laws state by state. Connect with organizations already campaigning in your state and with your state domestic-violence coalition, and offer testimony if you are willing.
Should I advocate publicly while my case is ongoing?
Generally wait. Public advocacy creates a record that can be used against you in litigation, and the emotional demands are heavy while you are still in it.
How can I help others going through this?
Domestic-violence agencies train volunteers for hotline work, court accompaniment, and support groups. Peer support, formal or informal, is valuable because it spares people explaining the basics.
How do I get into coaching others through divorce?
Lived experience is a real asset but not sufficient alone. Seek training and supervision, and be clear about the line between coaching and legal or clinical advice, which you should not cross.
Is helping others good for my own recovery?
It can be, and it can also keep you immersed in the experience. If advocacy sustains the same anger and intensity, pay attention. Doing your own recovery first tends to make the work sustainable.
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