Keep making the children available exactly as the order requires, and document each time your ex does not appear. A parent who repeatedly skips their time is creating evidence, and that pattern can support a modification to a schedule that matches reality. It also matters for your children, who need an explanation that is honest without being loaded. Do not use the missed time as ammunition in front of them, and do not withhold anything in return.
Document the absences
Log each scheduled exchange, whether your ex didn’t have your child appear, and what you did. Keep the messages. Over time, this becomes the clearest possible picture of who is actually cooperating, and it is often what persuades a court to change a schedule that exists only on paper.
Keep doing the right thing
Continue to make the children available and continue to follow the order yourself, even when you are confident your ex will not come. Attorney Dennis Vetrano’s guidance about exercising your own rights cuts both ways: your consistent compliance is what makes the contrast visible.
Insist on your rights, exercise your visits, spend your time with your kids, but don’t get reeled into it.
Dennis Vetrano, family law attorney
What to tell the children
Keep it simple, factual, and free of blame: their other parent was not able to come this time, and it is not because of anything the child did. Resist the temptation to make the point that this proves something about your ex. Your restraint here protects your children and, incidentally, your credibility if anyone ever asks how you handled it.
When to seek a change
If the pattern is established and the current schedule is causing the children instability, a modification to reflect the actual arrangement may be worth pursuing. Child support can also be affected in some states when parenting time changes substantially, so ask a local attorney how the two intesect where you live.
Deciding when a pattern is established enough to act on is the kind of timing question BTGO’s coaching helps parents work through. Use these answers at your own discretion.
Frequently asked questions
What do I do if my ex does not show up for their parenting time?
Keep making the children available as the order requires and document every missed exchange with dates, notice given, and messages. Do not withhold anything in return or rearrange things informally in a way that erases the record.
Can I change the custody order if my ex never uses their time?
Often yes. A documented pattern of unused parenting time can support a modification to a schedule that matches reality. Whether it succeeds depends on your state’s standard for modification.
Does my ex not using parenting time affect child support?
It can in some states, because support calculations often account for parenting time. The interaction is state-specific, so ask a local attorney how a change would work where you live.
What should I tell my kids when their other parent does not come?
Keep it simple, factual, and blame-free: their other parent could not come this time, and it is not the child’s fault. Avoid using the absence to make a point about your ex.
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