Do not engage with them directly, and let your own attorney handle interactions. Aggressive opposing counsel is a recognized feature of high-conflict cases, and Been There Got Out lists courtroom bullying by opposing counsel among the forms of legal abuse. The tactics are usually designed to provoke a reaction they can use: insulting letters, unreasonable demands, and hostility in the hallway. Your job is to stay calm on the record, keep everything in writing, and let your attorney respond. If conduct crosses genuine ethical lines, there are formal channels.
Never negotiate with them yourself
If you are represented, opposing counsel should not be contacting you directly, and you should not be responding if they do. Forward it to your attorney. If you are self-represented you will have to deal with them, so keep every exchange in writing, stay strictly factual, and never respond while angry.
Why the aggression?
Intimidation is a strategy: an opposing attorney who can make you emotional, defensive, or exhausted gains an advantage, especially if you say something reactive that ends up quoted in a filing. Been There Got Out places this within the pattern of legal abuse, alongside endless motions and delay. Recognizing it as a technique makes it considerably easier not to take it personally.
Make your own attorney handle it
If your attorney is being steamrolled, that is a conversation worth having directly. You are entitled to counsel who will hold their ground. Ask how they plan to respond to the tactics, and whether the pattern should be brought to the judge’s attention.
When it crosses a line
Genuinely unethical conduct, as opposed to unpleasantness, can be raised with the court through a motion, or reported to the state bar. Get your attorney’s read before filing a bar complaint, especially mid-case, since timing matters and a complaint filed at the wrong moment can complicate your position more than it helps.
Deciding when to escalate and when to simply absorb it is a judgment call BTGO’s coaching helps parents make. Go at your own pace, and get in touch when you’re ready.
Frequently asked questions
Do not engage directly. Route everything through your own attorney, keep all communication in writing, and stay factual. The aggression is usually intended to provoke a reaction that can be used against you.
Can my ex’s lawyer contact me directly?
Not if you are represented. Opposing counsel should communicate through your attorney. If they contact you, forward it to your lawyer rather than responding.
Can I report my ex’s attorney to the bar?
You can report genuinely unethical conduct to the state bar, though rudeness alone rarely qualifies. Get your attorney’s read on timing first, as a complaint filed mid-case can complicate things.
What if my own lawyer is being steamrolled?
Raise it directly. You are entitled to counsel who holds their ground. Ask how they intend to handle the tactics and whether the pattern should be brought to the judge’s attention.
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