The Universe Gave Us an Unexpected Shove
Chris’ background is in technology sales and entrepreneurship. Lisa was a high school English teacher and built an online fashion business. Neither of us saw this mid-life career change coming when we met and started dating in 2015.
As both of our divorces dragged on and we bled money in the legal system, we had an unexpected epiphany: the root cause of all the conflict and chaos, first in our marriages and later in the divorce process, was that our former partners behaved in ways entirely consistent with narcissistic personality disorder.
Together, we took a self-directed crash course in everything related to personality disorders, high-conflict divorce and custody battles, and co-parenting with toxic exes. We managed to navigate our own cases and got out intact, but, boy had we made some avoidable mistakes along the way.
One day, in Lisa’s kitchen, Chris said, “You know, if I could go back in time with all we’ve learned, I’ll bet I could have saved at least half of the three years, half of the $300,000, and who-knows-how-much of the emotional energy and fear my divorce ended up costing.” From there, the conversation turned to how many others must be dealing with the same problems and the same unnecessary suffering.
And, just like that, Been There Got Out was born.
We initially imagined writing a book, not pursuing a whole new career together. But, as we developed the book, which we’d ultimately publish in 2023, we kept running into people who needed practical, actionable advice on how to deal with their own cases, and we began (coaching).
We’ve never looked back.
Chris, who was still dealing with complex PTSD and a hostile co-parenting relationship with a return to family court a constant threat, was concerned that doing this kind of work might be retraumatizing. Happily, that was not the case… at all. We both found that work with our clients helped us heal ourselves, much as a recovering addict in a 12-step program benefits tremendously from helping others facing the same challenges.
To our delight, we discovered that those targeted by abusers tend to be the most kind, loyal, creative – fill in whatever wonderful traits you have. That’s why your own personal terrorist selected you. Our people are a joy to work with. We affectionately call you our “sweetie pies.” Whatever makes you a sweetie pie, please don’t lose those things. The world needs you!
Our Values
Education
Education is empowering. When you are thrust into the unfamiliar and crazy world of family court and have to make decisions that will have an impact on you and your kids for years to come, all while your ex throws flaming cars in your path, you can’t take a backseat and let others decide your life. Chris paid lawyers a quarter of a million dollars, and not one of them taught him the things we teach our clients every day.
Understanding how the system works and knowing your rights are only the first steps. You have a lot to deal with, and we don’t waste a minute lamenting the broken family court system or the challenges of co-parenting with a monster. We focus on what you can DO to protect yourself and your children through concrete action, in and out of court.
Actionable Advice
Inclusivity
Intimate partner abuse is not a gender problem. It’s not a socio-economic problem, a geographical problem, or any other demographic problem. It’s a global, human problem that can afflict anyone. We work with moms and dads who are targets of abuse, wherever you are in the world.
We work in a high-stakes, deeply emotional field, where outcomes have a profound impact on the lives of loving parents and their children. We are not here to be popular. We are laser-focused on our clients’ success. We embrace controversial topics like parental alienation (some claim it doesn’t exist; our clients and countless attorneys show us daily that it does). We care about helping you, not avoiding the wrath of trolls whose agendas lead them to give harmful advice.
Leadership
Holistic Approach
We understand that these situations are not just about “winning” in court; they affect everything in the family – from mental health, to finances, to the well-being of children. You and your kids have a whole new chapter to write, and it takes a team to make sure it’s a great one. We help you build and lead your team by filling in the gaps between what lawyers aren’t trained to do and what therapists don’t understand.
If your ex is like the people we deal with every day, you’re unfortunately in for a marathon. Most people don’t fail; they run out of energy before getting to the finish line. We know firsthand how overwhelming these situations are (that’s the “Been There” part of BTGO). We approach every case with genuine empathy, recognizing your trauma and fear and treating your story with respect and sensitivity. We will always meet you with compassion, not judgment, because having the right support is everything.
Empathy
Our "Why?"
We deliver practical, actionable advice to give you the best chance for success in court and beyond.
But what does that mean to you?
Think about your goals in life, and specifically as a parent. Ideally, we’d suggest that “success in court and beyond” means getting through the legal system and overcoming the malicious actions of your toxic ex in a way that still allows you to achieve these goals.
That’s why we do what we do.
Lisa
Lisa Johnson is the co-founder (and female half) of BTGO, a high-conflict divorce strategist, and certified domestic violence advocate who successfully represented herself through scores of court appearances. Her case, published in the Connecticut Law Journal, is being used as legal precedent. Her live testimony helped pass Jennifers’ Law in Connecticut, at the time the third state in America to expand its legal definition of domestic violence to include “coercive control.” Lisa’s background as a former high school English teacher makes our educational programs go.
Chris
Chris Barry is a certified high-conflict divorce coach, strategist, and the co-founder (and male half) of BTGO. He developed our podcast, manages BTGO’s website, YouTube channel, Facebook page, and all the background technology we use to run the business. His professional background as a financial planner brings an understanding of these issues to our practice. Inspired by Lisa, he has also represented himself successfully in family court. He specializes in writing parenting plans specifically tailored to high-conflict co-parenting situations.
Chris is a graduate of Lehigh University (BA) and Seton Hall University (MBA). He’s an avid golfer, and his many interests are led by an unhealthy devotion to the Miami Dolphins.
Rizzo
Rizzo is the world’s most beloved legal abuse support dog (as well as the only one). She loves everyone – dogs, cats, people, everyone… except our pet snake. She is often the answer to questions involving the origin of spills, “misplaced” food, or shredded egg cartons.
Who would ever imagine that their ex would try to erase them from their kids’ lives?
Our next LIVE FREE WEBINAR with our friend, alienation coach Charlie McCready is on Jan 25 on “Preparing for Divorce: Strategies for the legal battle and countering alienation.” Comment COUNTER and we’ll send you the registration link.
#divorce #survivor #breakup #childrenanddivorce #narcissisticparent #beentheregotout
#domesticviolenceawareness #familyestrangement #divorcestrategy #empowerment
#toxicfamily #parentalalienation #abusebyproxy #religiousabuse
#traumarecovery #childrenofdivorce #custodybattle #coercivecontrol #poisoningthewell
#nocontact #childrejection #whenyourexturnsthekidsagainstyou #hiddenabuse
#manipulation #lies #nocontact #narcissisticabuse
3 Ways Narcissists Tell on Themselves 🎭🤫
Ever wonder how a narcissist accidentally reveals their true colors? Here are a couple of classic giveaways we teach our clients to spot:
1. The Double Standard: They demand perfection and accountability from you, yet their own mistakes are always someone else`s fault.
2. The Master of Projection: If they constantly accuse you of lying, being abusive, or being obsessed with them, chances are, they`re describing their own behavior! What they accuse you of is often exactly what they`re doing.
Spotting these patterns is the first step to beating them in court. Stop reacting emotionally and start documenting strategically!
Which one of these have you spotted your ex doing most recently? Share in the comments! 👇
Ready to turn their self-sabotage into powerful evidence? Comment ALIGN for a free discovery call (Zoom) to discuss your strategic next steps!
#NarcissisticAbuse #HighConflictDivorce #DocumentEverything #DivorceStrategy #FromPuddleToNinja
Are you being erased?
Our next LIVE FREE WEBINAR will be on January 25 with UK alienation coach, Charlie McCready @charliemccready1 on “Preparing for Divorce: Strategies for the legal battle and countering alienation.” Comment PREP and we’ll send you the registration link.
#ParentalAlienation #RejectedParent #CustodyBattle #HighConflictDivorce #DivorceStrategy
Let us worry about helping you be as successful as possible with your own case, before figuring out how you can do advocacy and help others, which is a trauma response (and check out our interview with Caroline Strawson @carolinestrawson where she describes how important it is to focus your precious energy on yourself and your own kids first).
#putyourownoxygenmaskonfirst #systematicchange #familycourtreform #protectiveparent
Parallel Parenting is NOT Co-Parenting. It`s Your High-Conflict Exit Strategy. 🚪🧘♀️
If you`re dealing with a #narcissist, a high-conflict ex, or constant #legalabuse in your custody case, the goal of "co-parenting" is a trap. Parallel parenting is the strategic framework that saves your sanity and protects your children from ongoing conflict (but you’re not going to use this term in court!).
What Parallel Parenting Really Is:
Minimizing Contact: You operate like two separate households, drastically reducing the opportunities for your ex to manipulate, control, or escalate conflict. 📉
Structured Communication: All communication is in writing (hopefully on a court-approved app like #OurFamilyWizard), and focused ONLY on the essentials. No drama. ✍️
Separate Spheres: You manage your time, activities, and rules independently during your designated time. You do not consult on every decision—you each run your own show. This ends the constant power struggle.
Court-Ready Documentation: Every exchange, every request, every response is recorded in a format that makes it easy to spot your ex`s predictable high-conflict patterns.
Parallel parenting is the blueprint for peace and an important way to shield your children from an emotional battlefield.
Ready to stop fighting and put together a strategic operation? Let’s teach you how to implement parallel parenting effectively, starting with strategic communication, so you can build a winning case and reclaim your life.
Click the link in bio or comment TELEPHONE for a free lesson on how to communicate with your ex without destroying your case or losing your mind. 📞
#ParallelParenting #HighConflictDivorce #NarcissisticAbuse #CoParentingStruggles #DivorceStrategy #ProtectYourPeace #FamilyCourt #LegalAbuse #StrategicCommunication #DivorceWarrior #BeenthereGotOut #PostSeparationAbuse #CustodyBattle #coparentingwithanarcissist #myownpersonalterrorist #FromPuddleToNinja 💪
Does your ex REALLY want to know what`s going on at your house? 😉
If you`re in a battle where your ex is trying to control your life and use the legal system to do it, it`s time to get strategic. Comment ALIGN to schedule a free Discovery call (Zoom) and learn how our expert guidance can help you navigate this post-separation landscape, so that you`re not always living in fear of what`s coming next. 💜
#coercivecontrol #divorcestrategist #coparentingcommunication
Coercive control is the invisible cage that abusers build around you, but it`s constantly misunderstood. 💔 Don`t let these common misconceptions keep you trapped or undermine your case in #familycourt!
Here are 5 Big Myths about #CoerciveControl that you need to unlearn:
1. MYTH: It has to be physical abuse. ❌ TRUTH: Coercive control is primarily psychological and financial. It`s isolation, monitoring, humiliation, and control over resources. It leaves psychological scars, not necessarily bruises.
2. MYTH: It only happens during the relationship. ❌ TRUTH: It often escalates post-separation! This is called #PostSeparationAbuse or #LegalAbuse. Your ex weaponizes the custody schedule, court filings, and communication to maintain control.
3. MYTH: It`s just being "bossy" or "high-maintenance." ❌ TRUTH: It’s a pattern of calculated, strategic behavior designed to strip away your autonomy and independence. It’s not a personality quirk; it’s criminal behavior in some jurisdictions!
4. MYTH: You just need to "stand up for yourself." ❌ TRUTH: Confronting a coercive controller can be highly dangerous or lead to massive escalation. The strategic move is to document and respond with court-approved communication that can help build a strong case.
5. MYTH: Judges don`t understand it. ❌ TRUTH: Laws are changing (like the New South Carolina bill we posted about! 📢), and more experts are being educated. You need a #DivorceStrategy that translates your lived experience into clear, compelling, court-ready evidence.
Ready to start fighting with more effective strategies? Click the link in bio or comment ALIGN for a free discovery call to discuss your personalized strategy. #FromPuddleToNinja 💪
#CoerciveControl #NarcissisticAbuse #HighConflictDivorce #DivorceStrategy #FamilyCourt #CustodyBattle #EmotionalAbuse #ProtectYourPeace #ToxicRelationships #DivorceWarrior #BeenthereGotOut #StrategicCommunication
P, you had us all crying when you shared your story…huge, huge congratulations! #FromPuddleToNinja 💪
Comment RESTORE to stay in the loop with our upcoming book and course, “When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You” and be the first to know when they’re released! 🤗 💜
#DivorceVictory #DivorceSurvivors #HealingJourney #DivorceRecovery #StrongMom #StrongDad #Empowerment #OvercomingAbuse #NewBeginnings #DivorceWarrior #SingleParent #BoundariesMatter #MentalHealthAwareness #SelfCare #Resilience #Hope #Freedom #LifeAfterDivorce #Healing #Survivor #Strength #DivorceSupport #FamilyLaw #CustodyVictory #familycourtsuccess
