If a child is in immediate danger, call 911. Otherwise, report suspected abuse to a mandated reporter who can contact Child Protective Services, get the child assessed by a professional, document everything as it happens in real time, and contact your attorney the same day. Do not conduct your own investigation by questioning your child repeatedly, which can contaminate their account and be used to argue you coached them. Take them to a pediatrician or a child advocacy center, where professionals trained in forensic interviewing can do it properly. Your instinct to protect is right; the method determines whether it protects them.
If your child is in immediate danger, call 911. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): call or text 988. To report suspected child abuse: Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-422-4453.
Report it properly
Contact a third party to report it to Child Protective Services in your state, or the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 if you are unsure where to start. Reports can generally be made in good faith without liability even if not substantiated. Tell your attorney immediately, because a report may affect your custody case.
Do not interview your own child
This is the most common and most damaging mistake. Repeated questioning by a parent, especially leading questions, can genuinely alter a child’s memory and is precisely what an opposing party will point to in claiming you coached them. If your child discloses something, listen, do not press for detail, write down what they said in their exact words as soon as possible, and take them to a professional. Child advocacy centers exist for this and use forensic interviewers trained to gather an account that holds up.
Documenting, including the hardest stuff
Record dates, times, exact words your child used, physical signs with photographs where appropriate, and any changes in behavior, sleep, or school. Keep medical records of every visit. For suspected sexual abuse in particular, do not attempt to document it yourself beyond writing down what was said; get the child to a specialist medical examination and a child advocacy center promptly, because evidence is time-sensitive and should be gathered properly, only by professionals.
If the system does not act
Unsubstantiated findings are common and do not necessarily mean nothing happened; they often mean insufficient evidence. It is a demoralizing outcome, to say the least. Options include continuing to document, requesting a guardian ad litem, seeking a custody evaluation, asking for supervised parenting time, and filing for emergency relief where risk is immediate. Discuss the realistic path with your attorney rather than escalating on your own.
What not to do
Do not withhold the children in violation of the order without immediate legal advice, however strong the impulse. Courts distinguish sharply between a parent who acted through the proper channels and one who simply stopped complying. Our answer on whether you can ever break the order covers the narrow safety exception.
This is among the hardest situations in family law, and having someone experienced alongside you matters. BTGO’s coaching can help you navigate it, working with your attorney and the professionals involved.
Frequently asked questions
My ex is hurting our kids. Should I call CPS?
If there is immediate danger, call 911. Otherwise, see if a third party can report to Child Protective Services or the Childhelp hotline at 1-800-422-4453, get the child assessed professionally, and tell your attorney the same day.
Should I question my child about what happened?
No. Repeated or leading questions from a parent can alter a child’s account and will be used to argue you coached them. Listen, write down their exact words, and take them to a professional.
What is the best way to document suspected sexual abuse?
Write down exactly what your child said, then get them to a specialist for medical examination and/or a child advocacy center promptly. Evidence is time-sensitive and must be gathered by trained professionals, not by you.
What if CPS finds the report unsubstantiated?
That often means insufficient evidence rather than nothing happening. Keep documenting, and discuss with your attorney whether a guardian ad litem, custody evaluation, or supervised parenting time is the right next step.
Can I stop sending my child to their other parent?
Not without immediate legal advice, even in this situation. Courts distinguish sharply between acting through proper channels and simply stopping compliance. Seek emergency relief rather than withholding.
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