Treat it as a medical emergency, not a custody issue. If your child is in immediate danger, call 911 or take them to an emergency room. Get them assessed by a professional promptly, remove access to means where you safely can, and tell your child’s other parent unless doing so would put the child at risk. This comes before every legal consideration in your case.
If your child is in immediate danger, call 911. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): call or text 988. To report suspected child abuse: Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-422-4453.
Immediate steps
Take any talk of suicide seriously, including that which seems designed to get a reaction. Ask directly whether they are thinking about ending their life; asking does not plant the idea, and it is the question professionals recommend. Stay with them if there is immediate risk. Secure medications, firearms, and other means. Get a professional assessment through your pediatrician, an emergency room or hospital, or a crisis line, quickly.
How to respond to them
Stay calm even though you are frightened, listen far more than you talk, and avoid reacting with anger or panic, both of which teach a child not to tell you next time. Do not promise to keep it secret. Do say that you are glad they told you, that you are going to get help, and that you are not going anywhere.
Telling the other parent
In almost all circumstances, tell them. Withholding information this serious is likely to be viewed extremely poorly by a court, and more importantly your child needs consistent monitoring in both homes. The exception is where informing them would itself endanger the child, in which case get immediate advice from your attorney and your child’s clinician rather than deciding alone.
If your co-parent dismisses it, refuses treatment, or blames you, document that carefully and raise it with the treating professional. A parent obstructing mental-health care for a child at risk is a serious matter a court can act on quickly.
The custody dimension: reality check
Parents sometimes hesitate because they fear things will be used against them, and that fear is understandable. Getting your child assessed and treated is what a protective parent does. Failing to act, or concealing is what damages a case, quite apart from the risk to your child.
Support for you
This is terrifying, and you cannot manage it while running on empty. Lean on your own therapist, and know that 988 supports worried parents as well as people in crisis.
We are not clinicians, and nothing here substitutes for professional assessment. For the legal and co-parenting side of a situation like this, BTGO’s coaching can help you think it through.
Frequently asked questions
What do I do if my child is suicidal?
Treat it as a medical emergency. Call 911 if there is immediate danger, or call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Get a professional assessment quickly, stay with them, and secure access to help.
What do I do if my kid is self-harming?
Respond calmly rather than with anger or panic, and get a professional assessment. Self-harm often signals distress rather than suicidal intent, but it needs proper evaluation, not assumptions.
Should I tell my ex that our child is self-harming?
Almost always yes. Your child needs consistent monitoring in both homes, and withholding something this serious is viewed very poorly by courts. If telling them would endanger the child, get immediate legal and clinical advice.
Will getting my child mental-health treatment hurt my custody case?
No. Seeking assessment and treatment is what a protective parent does ; failing to act or concealing it is what damages a case.
What if my co-parent refuses to get our child help?
Document it carefully, inform the treating professional, and raise it with your attorney promptly. Obstructing mental-health care for a child at risk is something courts can act on.
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